Apr
11
2016
Why I Changed My Mind On Abortion
I was nine years old and the pavement in front of the GPO was full of demonstrators holding images of foetuses. I was transfixed; all I could do was gaze at them in shock and horror. There was a woman shouting, “Sign the petition, stop the murder of innocent babies.” My Mam reached to grab my hand as she was losing me in the crowd, but all I could think was – “Mammy, stop and help them. There’s someone here killing babies and we can sign this piece of paper to stop them.”
My Mam didn’t stop. She didn’t engage with the awful imagery or pay any attention to the lady shouting about infanticide. She stormed straight ahead as if she wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and pretend the encounter hadn’t happened. It was never mentioned again.
There was no conversation and no explanation of what had happened. I was left to come up with an explanation myself. I rationalised that an awful thing was happening. Pregnant women were killing their babies and it was called abortion. I knew it to be true because I saw the pictures on O’Connell Street and for some reason, my Mam was hiding further details about it from me.
I had so many questions. How do they kill the babies? Why are the police not stopping them? How does that lady have those pictures? How can I get those images out of my head? I was only nine years old. I liked to play football, I liked to read and play the tin whistle. However, after that experience, I just felt anxious and scared of the baby murderers, whoever they were.
This was my first introduction to the issue of abortion. Bravo to the anti-choice movement, it would appear their strategy worked. Using violent imagery, they instilled a fear in my nine-year-old self that I held on to for many years following. I received no education on the topic or even an explanation of why or how or most importantly, the women involved. I was anti-choice – of course I was. I had nothing to challenge my belief, no insight into or information about the other side of the debate. I didn’t want to be a baby murderer and I didn’t want any other women to be either and that was that.
I distinctly remember the conversation that I had with my mother when I told her I was pregnant at fifteen. She asked me if I knew about my ‘other options’. I was appalled; how dare she ask me that? I wasn’t a baby murderer. Little did I know that even if I had said yes, that this wouldn’t have been a simple trip down to Tallaght Hospital but a miserable and presumably traumatic trip over the Irish Sea. Six years on from that fateful experience outside the GPO and still, nobody had had a conversation with me about abortion, let alone the chilling effect of the Eighth Amendment.
My complete ignorance of the abortion debate continued until a friend called to my door a few months later. We spoke for a while about my pregnancy before she revealed that the year before, she had had an abortion.
I sat and I listened and I understood.
I understood her reasons and I finally saw the woman, the young girl behind the abortion, behind those images. She was my friend and I agreed she had done the right thing. This was extraordinarily confusing for me. I had spent years being vehemently opposed to abortion but I finally gained some understanding. However, I remained conflicted and embarrassed of my previous ignorance and did nothing to act on my change of heart. I still regret that.
For years then, I was quietly pro-choice. I was quiet because I remained scarred by the impression of those graphics images on my young mind. I was fearful to admit that I might have an abortion if I found myself in the same situation as my friends.
So I stayed silent.
The girl that fought for everything, that had strong views on every issue, who campaigned for equality and social justice all her adult life – remained silent.
When I returned to education, I couldn’t stay silent anymore. Trinity is a place that facilitates debate. Students are encouraged to get informed about everything and every issue and I was finally armed with a new understanding of what it meant to be pro-choice. I finally understood the debate around abortion access and my views were no longer solely informed by violent imagery I had I seen at the age of nine. I read the testimonies of women forced to travel and I followed the heart wrenching case of Savita Halapannavar. I finally understood what it meant to stand up for women, their rights and their right to bodily autonomy.
My Mam never spoke to me about abortion. It was never mentioned in school. I thought I was pro-life but only because that was the only option. No one around me ever mentioned the issue. Why didn’t they? How was I ever supposed to develop an opinion if I wasn’t ever informed on the debate?
I fundamentally believe that women should be protected and supported in their decisions. Women should have and will have access to abortion in Ireland. The Eighth Amendment is violating the human rights of women in Ireland every single day and it must be repealed. I believe it to be a relic of a conservative, backwards Ireland that is completely inconsistent with the values of the modern, liberal, secular Irish society that exists today.
Moreover, I believe that it is of the utmost importance that we break this culture of silence. We cannot let the young women of Ireland first experience this issue through extraordinarily graphic imagery spotted on a street corner. This cannot be how we conduct debate in this country. We deserve a public debate on this issue – one that respects the views and rights of everyone involved.
My daughters will be fully informed on their right to bodily autonomy when the time comes. I only wish that I had been afforded the same privilege. It’s now up to us to ensure that Ireland’s young women and girls are able to access full reproductive health care. We must Repeal the 8th Amendment and stop violating the human rights of women in this country. We must do it now.
To read more about why I’m running for the Seanad, click here.
